While trying to be thankful…
I must suspend sentimentality for the past.
In the 1960’s, my definition of the holiday season was set. Family
was large and met every year precisely when the matriarch had planned. With it
came a subconscious set of values about the meaning of celebration.
People bemoan the loss of “family values” today. It serves
to resurrect an image of Norman Rockwell contentedness, and a guilty sense
that we should try to fit the image. We aren’t those people. A day to put our
feet up and relax together does not inspire me to put together a picturesque
meal for 20. I tried to be the matriarch a few times and was never very happy
with the results. First there was the coordination of schedules, then hours of
manual labor, and a huge mess to deal with afterward. It didn’t taste like
Grandma’s meal anyway! I have a new respect for the determination of my mother
and grandmother. I have also realized that they weren’t working outside the
home the day before the party.
Today I sit with my husband as a turkey breast roasts in the
oven, boxes of Stove Top stuffing and the stir and bake Campbell’s green bean casserole
wait by the stove. We manage to copy the basic appearance of a traditional meal,
but it doesn’t capture that sense of overabundance, security, and clannish
community we used to enjoy. We aren’t financially secure the way my parents
were. Their mortgage was nearly paid, their healthcare covered by Dad’s
employer. It is easy to worry that we have no windfall and that the loss of
health or jobs could leave us without resources. Gratitude doesn’t come as
easily as it used to for me.
But if I let go of the American Thanksgiving of the 20th
Century, I can be happy. John and I are ready to watch the Eagles together –
and they have been playing really well. Woody is getting good grades and
staying out of trouble. I will be able to visit my sister later knowing she is
secure and managing to take care of our mother without losing her mind. I can
avoid playing a video game and write something sometimes. It is the things that
go right that I am grateful for. In 1965, I could never have imagined being
grateful for things that come without trimmings – or Norman Rockefeller (er- Rockwell)
iconography.
Happy Thursday off, everybody. It is going to be another
good day.
