“Oh, It’s Fall."

It is an upside down day.

In the front of the house, it’s cold. In back it’s warm.

My brain is sputtering, but my body feels fine.

Somewhere, the ragweed must be blooming like a fiend.

This is the change of seasons. Bittersweet. Beautiful but itchy. Hot and cold at the same time.  I feel  like I should be able to enjoy it, but I am too confused. Should I sit outside in the sun, or put on my winter jammies and curl up in bed? I will probably end up sitting in the sun in my winter jammies.

It is just that kind of day.

But it might be genetic changes in my body. I did a little googling and scientists have found that certain genes that fight infections activate for winter. They aren’t clear on why this happens – temperature or weather or light? They just know that our inflammation response kicks into overdrive and certain immune response diseases increase because we tip over to fight flu and malaria and such.

Very cool. But if my genes are changing, I am too. That’s why I’m all haywire with hayfever and “hey, what the hell should I wear today?!”

That’s my theory.   

However, we also have a major eclipse of a super moon. The gravity is changing and doom-sayers are jumpy. Maybe that is why the dog walks backward while peeing, and Philadelphia is kicking ass in the first half.

It is a very weird kind of day.

If you see me in a winter parka and flip-flops, walking backwards and crying, “Oh God! The Eagles are winning! The world is coming to an end,”  don’t worry. I’ll be better in a few weeks. Probably.

"Now What?"

           Trying to find a new career at the age of 56 after being a teacher for 25 years is like entering a world without gravity, signposts, or self-esteem. There are no jobs that do not require experience. Having people skills out the wazoo really counts for nothing. The rules of engagement in a war to measure up are floating in a cloud that sometimes descends as hail. I balance a line between hopefulness and despair - on good days.
           I still do not regret leaving education. I was good at it; it was rewarding. I told myself I was tired of grading, and that was partly true. The rest of the truth is that I want something new. This is my mid-life crisis.
           Friends and family are so reassuring. I believe them! I will be hired for something. I haven't applied for dish washing jobs yet. In my search for that elusive job at a desk, shuffling paper and speaking nicely to everyone, I have mapped out a plan. First, I am taking on-line courses in Excel. Second, I am ready to accept part-time jobs through a temp agency. Lo, the mighty-sure-of-herself has fallen.
         Another source of reassurance has more of an edge. People are volunteering to pray for me. The idea that I need divine intervention is not very complimentary. I believe it is filled with good intention, but it wakens the superstitious, no, the spiritually aware corner of my mind. Prayers, reiki, contact with a Higher Power of my understanding - all are coming into play. Astrology has forced itself into the forefront in spite of the fact that I respect it least. It is so much more direct, but it has become very repetitive. Epic changes in alignments are bringing seismic changes to the fore. We must all return to a fundamental part of our psyches to find the original purpose of our lives. Well, I am all about that at the moment.
         I have always believed I would make a good writer. My mother told me that. My Writing Group has affirmed it. I have done some research and listened to some experts who all say this means writing every day. Hence the resurrection of this blog. I am taking practical steps.
         Last night I dreamt that my fingers were setting air on fire. That has spiritual connotations on many levels for me. I want to set my world on fire with the touch of my fingertips on the keyboard of my laptop. You can help with prayers or words of encouragement, but viewing my blog a lot will be more practical help. I will take my luck wherever I can find it today.